I cherish Lady GaGa.

This made me tremble in giggles.

Songs that remind me of you, Emilee

Emilee - I am an avid fan of music as is many a folk. Once I have crafted a playlist out of treachery and dire circumstance, I tend to listen to the same songs over and over and over again... as I am sure you know since you once lived above me.

Songs that remind me of you (or make me pretend I'm your ghetto girlfriend and you're my pimp):

1.) You Got Me by The Roots & Erykah Badu ... This makes me close my eyes and pretend that I'm corn rowing your hair on the steps of The Ranch with an afro pick in my mouth and my fingers quickly braiding your fine ass hair baby girl.

Lyrics:

2.) Valerie by Mark Ronson / Amy Winehouse ... I often imagine myself strumming a banjo on a bayou singing this to you. I honestly do. I believe I was in Bloomingdales when this song came on and I stopped and moved my lips to the lyrics and thought of you. You're one of my dearest, dearest friends and I long for you in the most sickest, unhealthiest ways. Honestly, our friendship needs to be examined by a professional.

Lyrics: "And I miss your tender hair and the way you like to dress... Why don't you come on over, stop making a fool out of meeeeee."

3.) Womanizer by Britney Spears ... Only because I remember dancing at Merlins during one of me and Justine's visits and us going buck wild when this song came on and I believe I have video you of singing every lyric to this song. I love you so much.

4.) Don't Stop by Brazilian Girls ... Reminds me of the Ranch only because Justine played them often. I remember smoking in my bathroom with the vent on and hearing the music through the vent and I remember coming home from class and seeing ya'll on your porch - you on your laptop, Justine smoking a rolled cigarette and doing math equations while twirling her hair.

5.) You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift ... You're a heterosexual now, I know. Whatever. But this song reminds me of our sick relationship. I think there were times where I actually thought you were my boyfriend. I swear.

6.) The Girl and the Robot by Ryosopp ft. Robyn ... This song makes me think of the current status of our friendship. I feel like you're writing me out of your life and don't care about me anymore. I miss you very much. I do. Everyday. and now this is getting creepy.

Lyrics: "No one is singing songs for me. I can't wait until tomorrow."

7.) Anything by JoJo ... I am very happy very I met you.

My Netflix Favorites...

Emilee,

Please Netflix the following...

1.) Night of the Comet... Two valley girls, machine guns, and a fashion scene in an abandoned mall. I have said enough.

Quote: "Daddy would have gotten us an uzi."

2.) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail... Yes, my dream is to be black and from the South but this movie is honestly one of the funniest and most heart warming movies ever. As someone who has seen every Tyler Perry film out there, I must say... There is nothing like a Tyler Perry film, a delicious dark chocolate man, and a story about staying true to your vows to strengthen your faith in God, Southern hospitality, and beating a bitch who got you wrong.

Quote: "If someone is trying to get me got, I get my glock."

3.) Pink Flamingos... John Waters is brilliant, we know that. But this movie has honestly influenced my life more than I can say. The filth that pours of my mouth can be attributed to Divine and I wish - oh how I wish - we can watch this gem together, my lovely Emilee.

Quote: "God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!"

4.) Under a Tuscan Sun... Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite, all time film is... Under a Tuscan Sun... Let me tell you why. As someone - anyone - who has ever felt unsatisfied, unfilled, hungry, bored, out of breathe, needs to watch this film. Emilee... If I had balls like Frances, I would take you - my formerly dyke bff - and move to an Italian villa that needs renovating. I would.

Quote: "Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid."

5.) Savage Grace... Incest. Our favorite topic. Done.

6.) Diary of a Mad Black Woman... This is the second Tyler Perry film on my list. Let's just say if he were to write a movie about me it would be "Diary of a Mad Filipino Gay" and let me tell you, there won't be any finding Jesus in that. Just a lot of BUSTED CAR WINDOWS IN THAT SHIT.

Quote: "I'm not bitter, I'm mad as hell."

7.) Pierrot le fou... I have a penchant for French films and I'd like to hold your hand while we watched this.

Quote: "I look sad because you speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings."

8.) Grey Gardens... Because if we still lived together, we'd be living amidst glamour and gore. Period. Minus the Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange portrayals...

Quote: It was mostly visual...

9.) Something New... We all know I'm a race traitor and this movie is my best rationalization as to why it is is okay.

Quote: "But I ain't never dated a white man before. Not that I'm not attracted to white men. Oh, cause there's some fine looking white men in here. But my only problem with the white man is that ya'll don't know how to break up with a woman. I watch the crime channel. You date him, you come up missin', don't cha? Everybody be looking for you. You be chopped up in the freezer in the sandwich bags, with a barbeque sign on your head."

10.) In Her Shoes... I'm gay.

Quote: "Clothes never fit... Food makes me fatter... Shoes, they always fit."

Em - What I wouldn't do to sit on your couch and watch a movie in the dark with our laptops on our laps, a forty in each hand, and something vulgar to say to one another.

Niko

Sometimes (mostly at night) I'll think of Niko and just get really upset. It's been about two weeks and I can't believe she's gone. I push it to the back of my mind, but then I'll see a picture of her, or think about her, or have a memory that she is in and just get so heartbroken. I miss my dog.

This reminds me of you and me.

Dear Emilee: There were many a nights where this was you and I, my love.

“How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.”

I was in college when Niko entered senior citizen equivalency, the fur on her face turned white but that was all. I thought about what it would be like to lose her and I imagined it heart breaking and tremendous but its worse, it's shattering.

I keep thinking of the times I was mean and yelled to her or when my goodbyes were quick and short and I woke up this morning and thought of all the places she used to be.

The worst part is that it happened all so fast, how she went from active and able to how she was last week was a shock but I honestly thought she'd be around still.

I think try to think of the positives, that she passed at home in the backyard and not euthanized on a metal table at a vet's office. They say dogs and cats wait until everyone comes home to die, and it's true. They do.

"I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?"

Gorgeous Wolf Art

Dear Emilee:

For lunch today I had salami slices, Gouda cheese, and some pita crackers that I got at Trader Joe's on Sunday with Markus Liu & Co. For breakfast I had an apple and for dinner I believe I will have salmon with a raindrop of lemon. I want to stop being obese for you baby. (My blog makes me sound so dimwitted but me's learn-ed I swear.)

I love wolves. Please see below:


By: Simen Johan
From: http://io9.com/5350612/visions-of-uplifted-animals-and-humans-brought-low/gallery/


Not sure who this is by... but its brilliance in a sun beam.

I'm a robot.

The first one is soTerminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles-esque I think. Look at how deep in thought my robot version is. iRobot meets Cameron.

Two robot songs I am enjoying currently:

1.) "I am Not a Robot." - Marina + the Diamonds
2.) "The Girl and the Robot"- Royksopp

Friday Night Heat.

Dear Emilee,

I miss you. Wish you were here. I think if you were to move down, weekends would be more lackadaisical.

On Saturday, Mark and I were walking home from Metropolitan in Williamsburg and there was a street with a few fire hydrants open and spraying a misty water on the street so we walked through one and it was lovely. Just lovely. It was what I imagined a youth in the inner city must be like.

The above photos were taken outside Jules Cafe in St. Marks for Mark's Birthday Dinner. He's 24 now, so make sure to wish him a happy birthday. You should be very thankful to him because he breastfeeds me now that you are gone, gone like a destitute mother.

The reason why there isn't a photo of Mark from the series above is because we took a smoke break in the middle of dinner. Oh, it was quite delicious.

As usual, wish you were there.

xoxo,
Justin

I idolize and aspire also

Carine Roitfeld. GORG. I really want Hedi Slimane to take my photo. I'd have to lose 40 lbs, but I think it would be a good shoot. I really do. I do.



Emilee. Matty is moving to Spain at the end of the month. The separation anxiety has lead to frequent trips to the bathroom. I am afraid I am getting acid reflux and with my big concert next week, I don't want to have to sing to a backup track. I mean honestly. Can you imagine. I would be letting my fans down. They are almost as important as you are to me. I know you only hit me because you love me.

xoxo

Panoramic.

Emilee is my Dark Demon

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." Pablo Neruda

A Lesson in Tagalog

Pakikisama: simultaneously means a sense of belonging and being a good sport.

Quotes

"You don't have to shout and scream to be angry." Spike Lee

"I am deliberate and afraid of nothing." Audre Lorde

"Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole." Roger Caras

"Many years ago, when a adored dog died, a great friend, a bishop, said to me, 'You must always remember that, as far as the bible is concerned, God only threw humans out of paradise."

"If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life." Roger Caras

"...it is more or less assumed that no Oriental can know himself the way an Orientalist can." Edward Said

"They were not love letters, but Lt. Cross was hoping, so he kept them folded in plastic at the bottom of his rucksack."

Vampire Politics

Omg, it's empty.

What my life is like...

Online Dating.

This is why I am single.

MIA is 33??

Dinuguan

My favorite Filipino dish is called Dinuguan. I had some last night (for the first time in months) with Mark, Hwen, and Yojann last night at Turo Turo on 1st Avenue. Growing up, parents told their kids that it was pigs blood. Apparently it is.

Lets run away.

Matty Uns Poetry

Days with Mark(us) Part I

This is the first of a series that captures my time spent with Mark(us) as we live our lives.

Our first capture takes us into FAO Schwartz on Fifth Avenue. While shopping to increase my ugly doll collection, Mark becomes overzealous and starts frantically scooping them up.



He cannot stop.

A blog I read...

Le Love

future talk is back attack

What my dreams are like...

Concept Ships

Matthew is my Gem Star of Power

Future Talk with Matty

Emilee is my Moon Shine of Bliss Steam

Future Talk with Emilee

My love for fur is magic.